I still haven't posted my "after" pics, and there's a reason for that.
I fell off the wagon. Yep. Sure did!
I pretty much gained any weight back that I lost. It sucks, but it's true.
I don't feel all that bad though. This plan helped me keep track of my exercise and make me aware of that - one of my biggest problems. I have still been going strong with the Couch to 5k plan with my friend Stacey, and we're jog/walking 3x a week! It's great!
I think the problem here (as it is with a lot of people) is that I LOVE food. I love pizza and ice cream and butter and cookies and all of those things that are "bad" for you, but are such a lovely treat! The thing for me is, it's never just a "treat". It's a binge.
Once I start, I can't stop. I've been buying a pint of Ben & Jerry's pretty much every other weekend for the past 2 months. What the hell? I don't even really want it that much - I just eat it because it's there! WHY DO I DO THAT??
I don't like that I succumb to the cravings of processed foods. It's one thing to have a treat every now & then made from all-natural organic ingredients, but when I scarf down a Tostino's Triple Cheese pizza or 9 Oreo cookies, or shovel pre-packaged pimento cheese dip into my mouth with Wheat Thins - I feel like shit. It tastes great at the time. But I feel awful afterward. It's a vicious cycle.
A few years ago I bought a book called "Eat to Live" by Dr. Joel Furhman. I made a half-assed attempt to follow the plan, but gave up pretty quickly (as I tend to do). Sigh. I hate that I give up so easily!! I want to accomplish this, but for some reason keep saying "screw it". Will it take a life-changing event?? Will something drastic have to happen?? What the heck?? Sorry, off on a tangent there.
Anyway, click here for the basics of the first 6-weeks on the plan. It's pretty strict, but it's a TON of fruits and veggies which you really fill up on during the day. I love those things, but the hard part will be giving up dairy, between-meal snacks, salt, and of course, sugar. I don't have to track anything though, which is great. I literally tells me what I can eat, what I need to limit, and what I can't eat. That's pretty straight forward!
I know that doing this plan will make me feel better. I know it will make me lose weight without having to keep track of anything (which is great). I know it will do amazing things for me - both mind and body. Yet, why am I afraid? Why am I already setting myself up for failure? Because I've always failed in the past, that's why.
My proof:
- I did the South Beach diet (probably my biggest success to date). I lost 25 pounds over about 3 months or so. I looked great, and I felt great. I never really left Phase 1 of the diet, so I was already restricting myself WAY too much (no fruit, no grains). To celebrate my success, I started eating the way I did before. I gained all of my weight back, plus 10.
- I did Weight Watchers. With the support of my mom I had some success with this one too. I lost about 10-15 pounds, then quickly got tired of tracking everything I put in my mouth (even just checking the little boxes on the CORE plan). I gained all of my weight back.
- I did this Total Body Transformation. I lost a little weight at first (about 5-6 pounds), and my daily exercise was never better. However to be honest, I wasn't watching my salt intake, nor was I being very careful with my sugar intake (even just with natural sugars). I gained it back.
Why will it be different this time around? What will change? Will anything change at all? Will I be able to resist temptations, stick to what I know is healthy for me, and use my willpower to guide me? I DON'T KNOW. I can't answer any of those questions.
All I know right now is that I want it to change. I want to be at a healthier weight, and I'm SO close to it. I want to have more energy throughout the day. I want my allergies to disappear. I want to succeed.
I don't know if that will be enough, but I hope it will be.
I wanted to wait until after Katy's wedding, and after my trip to visit Amber in New York. Mostly because I know those will be very difficult times to be good. But when is there EVER a good time to start something like this? There will always be a holiday, a trip, a wedding - ALWAYS something tempting me.
So I'm going to start slow. Baby steps through the wedding / my trip, then going full-out when I get back.
I don't want to feel the failure anymore. I don't want to give up. I can't.
I MUST DO THIS.
