Thursday, August 4, 2011

Well hello! It's been a while!

I still haven't posted my "after" pics, and there's a reason for that. 
I fell off the wagon.  Yep. Sure did!

I pretty much gained any weight back that I lost.  It sucks, but it's true.

I don't feel all that bad though.  This plan helped me keep track of my exercise and make me aware of that - one of my biggest problems.  I have still been going strong with the Couch to 5k plan with my friend Stacey, and we're jog/walking 3x a week!  It's great!

I think the problem here (as it is with a lot of people) is that I LOVE food.  I love pizza and ice cream and butter and cookies and all of those things that are "bad" for you, but are such a lovely treat!  The thing for me is, it's never just a "treat".  It's a binge. 

Once I start, I can't stop.  I've been buying a pint of Ben & Jerry's pretty much every other weekend for the past 2 months.  What the hell?  I don't even really want it that much - I just eat it because it's there!  WHY DO I DO THAT??

I don't like that I succumb to the cravings of processed foods.  It's one thing to have a treat every now & then made from all-natural organic ingredients, but when I scarf down a Tostino's Triple Cheese pizza or 9 Oreo cookies, or shovel pre-packaged pimento cheese dip into my mouth with Wheat Thins - I feel like shit.  It tastes great at the time.  But I feel awful afterward.  It's a vicious cycle.

A few years ago I bought a book called "Eat to Live" by Dr. Joel Furhman.  I made a half-assed attempt to follow the plan, but gave up pretty quickly (as I tend to do).  Sigh.  I hate that I give up so easily!!  I want to accomplish this, but for some reason keep saying "screw it".  Will it take a life-changing event??  Will something drastic have to happen??  What the heck??  Sorry, off on a tangent there.

Anyway, click here for the basics of the first 6-weeks on the plan.  It's pretty strict, but it's a TON of fruits and veggies which you really fill up on during the day.  I love those things, but the hard part will be giving up dairy, between-meal snacks, salt, and of course, sugar.  I don't have to track anything though, which is great.  I literally tells me what I can eat, what I need to limit, and what I can't eat.  That's pretty straight forward!

I know that doing this plan will make me feel better.  I know it will make me lose weight without having to keep track of anything (which is great).  I know it will do amazing things for me - both mind and body.  Yet, why am I afraid?  Why am I already setting myself up for failure?  Because I've always failed in the past, that's why.

My proof:

- I did the South Beach diet (probably my biggest success to date).  I lost 25 pounds over about 3 months or so.  I looked great, and I felt great.  I never really left Phase 1 of the diet, so I was already restricting myself WAY too much (no fruit, no grains).  To celebrate my success, I started eating the way I did before.  I gained all of my weight back, plus 10.

- I did Weight Watchers.  With the support of my mom I had some success with this one too.  I lost about 10-15 pounds, then quickly got tired of tracking everything I put in my mouth (even just checking the little boxes on the CORE plan).  I gained all of my weight back.

- I did this Total Body Transformation.  I lost a little weight at first (about 5-6 pounds), and my daily exercise was never better.  However to be honest, I wasn't watching my salt intake, nor was I being very careful with my sugar intake (even just with natural sugars).  I gained it back. 

Why will it be different this time around?  What will change?  Will anything change at all?  Will I be able to resist temptations, stick to what I know is healthy for me, and use my willpower to guide me?  I DON'T KNOW.  I can't answer any of those questions. 

All I know right now is that I want it to change.  I want to be at a healthier weight, and I'm SO close to it.  I want to have more energy throughout the day.  I want my allergies to disappear.  I want to succeed.  

I don't know if that will be enough, but I hope it will be.

I wanted to wait until after Katy's wedding, and after my trip to visit Amber in New York.  Mostly because I know those will be very difficult times to be good.  But when is there EVER a good time to start something like this?  There will always be a holiday, a trip, a wedding - ALWAYS something tempting me. 

So I'm going to start slow.  Baby steps through the wedding / my trip, then going full-out when I get back. 

I don't want to feel the failure anymore.  I don't want to give up.  I can't. 


  1. It helps to have your significant other on board. I don't think I could have done as much as I have already without Maims cutting down on his fast food and processed food with me. He gives me stern reprimands and harsh looks pretty often now.

    If this second round of TBT has taught me anything, it's to not stress the small stuff. I absolutely didn't care a lick about what I ate in Vegas, but exercised a ton, so it evened out. If you love food, you just have to balance it out with more exercise. You don't have to give it up, just compromise in other areas.

    There isn't ever a "good time" to start doing what your body wants, but you also don't want to make your brain miserable too. Why deny yourself the fun of wedding cake or restaurants you have never been to in another state? You would be missing out on some life experiences just to keep that half a pound off? No way is that worth the mental anguish. I think the mental part of this is just as important as the physical.

    That is my 2 cents, and I think you are beautiful, so no matter what, you rock. :)

  2. Hi there!!

    I stumbled upon your blog... and just want to say this:

    Don't let food run your life. Whether you're eating it or restricting yourself from it... Don't let it be on your mind all the time.
    Don't feed the disease of disordered eating. Don't let diets be your only option.

    Exercise because you want to, not because you need to. Eat until you're full. Don't cut out everything that you like.

    I'm no expert, but I have lived a life of disordered eating and eating disorders... and I'd hate to see someone so beautiful (a stranger!) beating themselves up over a few pounds and some ice cream.

    Get comfortable in your own skin... it's the only one you're ever going to get.