Thursday, August 4, 2011

Well hello! It's been a while!

I still haven't posted my "after" pics, and there's a reason for that. 
I fell off the wagon.  Yep. Sure did!

I pretty much gained any weight back that I lost.  It sucks, but it's true.

I don't feel all that bad though.  This plan helped me keep track of my exercise and make me aware of that - one of my biggest problems.  I have still been going strong with the Couch to 5k plan with my friend Stacey, and we're jog/walking 3x a week!  It's great!

I think the problem here (as it is with a lot of people) is that I LOVE food.  I love pizza and ice cream and butter and cookies and all of those things that are "bad" for you, but are such a lovely treat!  The thing for me is, it's never just a "treat".  It's a binge. 

Once I start, I can't stop.  I've been buying a pint of Ben & Jerry's pretty much every other weekend for the past 2 months.  What the hell?  I don't even really want it that much - I just eat it because it's there!  WHY DO I DO THAT??

I don't like that I succumb to the cravings of processed foods.  It's one thing to have a treat every now & then made from all-natural organic ingredients, but when I scarf down a Tostino's Triple Cheese pizza or 9 Oreo cookies, or shovel pre-packaged pimento cheese dip into my mouth with Wheat Thins - I feel like shit.  It tastes great at the time.  But I feel awful afterward.  It's a vicious cycle.

A few years ago I bought a book called "Eat to Live" by Dr. Joel Furhman.  I made a half-assed attempt to follow the plan, but gave up pretty quickly (as I tend to do).  Sigh.  I hate that I give up so easily!!  I want to accomplish this, but for some reason keep saying "screw it".  Will it take a life-changing event??  Will something drastic have to happen??  What the heck??  Sorry, off on a tangent there.

Anyway, click here for the basics of the first 6-weeks on the plan.  It's pretty strict, but it's a TON of fruits and veggies which you really fill up on during the day.  I love those things, but the hard part will be giving up dairy, between-meal snacks, salt, and of course, sugar.  I don't have to track anything though, which is great.  I literally tells me what I can eat, what I need to limit, and what I can't eat.  That's pretty straight forward!

I know that doing this plan will make me feel better.  I know it will make me lose weight without having to keep track of anything (which is great).  I know it will do amazing things for me - both mind and body.  Yet, why am I afraid?  Why am I already setting myself up for failure?  Because I've always failed in the past, that's why.

My proof:

- I did the South Beach diet (probably my biggest success to date).  I lost 25 pounds over about 3 months or so.  I looked great, and I felt great.  I never really left Phase 1 of the diet, so I was already restricting myself WAY too much (no fruit, no grains).  To celebrate my success, I started eating the way I did before.  I gained all of my weight back, plus 10.

- I did Weight Watchers.  With the support of my mom I had some success with this one too.  I lost about 10-15 pounds, then quickly got tired of tracking everything I put in my mouth (even just checking the little boxes on the CORE plan).  I gained all of my weight back.

- I did this Total Body Transformation.  I lost a little weight at first (about 5-6 pounds), and my daily exercise was never better.  However to be honest, I wasn't watching my salt intake, nor was I being very careful with my sugar intake (even just with natural sugars).  I gained it back. 

Why will it be different this time around?  What will change?  Will anything change at all?  Will I be able to resist temptations, stick to what I know is healthy for me, and use my willpower to guide me?  I DON'T KNOW.  I can't answer any of those questions. 

All I know right now is that I want it to change.  I want to be at a healthier weight, and I'm SO close to it.  I want to have more energy throughout the day.  I want my allergies to disappear.  I want to succeed.  

I don't know if that will be enough, but I hope it will be.

I wanted to wait until after Katy's wedding, and after my trip to visit Amber in New York.  Mostly because I know those will be very difficult times to be good.  But when is there EVER a good time to start something like this?  There will always be a holiday, a trip, a wedding - ALWAYS something tempting me. 

So I'm going to start slow.  Baby steps through the wedding / my trip, then going full-out when I get back. 

I don't want to feel the failure anymore.  I don't want to give up.  I can't.